It’s the eve of a new week. Another week of drudgery with no end in sight. I hear the anxiety, loneliness, frustration; and fear in my patients’ voices and they often ask me, “How are you? What are you doing?”

Patients never ask me these things, it’s an unwritten but assumed law that therapists don’t talk about themselves. It muddies the water. I become real and that might stymie the growth we are both so hoping for. If patients know the details of my life then they may spend their time in therapy saying things they might think I want to hear. For example, if I say I have a dog (I don’t), then they may talk about how much they love their dog in order to please me, and then the therapy turns around from being about them to being about me. Therapy is the one place where it is ALL about you, and that’s part of the beauty of therapy.

So, what has changed? EVERYTHING has changed. I was wondering what they wanted to hear me say and I think this is it:

We are in uncharted territory. We don’t know one day to the next when this will end and if we are doing the right things to protect ourselves. We hear accurate and inaccurate news and have to parse what is what. No more schedules, no more predictability, mostly just fear. Perhaps patients are looking to me not just for answers, which of course I don’t have, but for a model of how to get through this nightmare, and also comfort in a most uncomfortable time.

I have no bag of tricks; I wish I did. This is what I am doing to remain sane:

I have a general schedule for every day starting with three things that I am grateful for in the morning. I like this because it not only encourages gratitude but it also helps me focus on the everyday instead of starting my day with the Big Awful Picture.
I turn on the news. Twice only during the day, once in the morning and once in the evening, with an occasional listen to Governor Cuomo.
I get up slowly because I end work late into the evening.
Work. I FaceTime, WhatsApp, Zoom, or have phone sessions with my patients throughout the week.
I include building my business - my online course and website - every day. I do something every weekday to learn how to improve what I love, and that is helping women who are at a crossroads in their lives. I do this because it helps me envision the future.
I try to exercise on my bike daily.
I talk with my girls daily- we call ourselves Fab5 - women I’ve known since adolescence. This is where I can be silly, sad, ridiculous, and where I receive more than I give.
I connect with my kids and grandkids - this is my life's blood.
I binge watch or I watch oldies on TV, Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime.
Last, I write in my journal and end with 3 things that I am grateful for that day.

Let’s talk about tanking. Weekends are where I go rogue. The sabbath, Saturday, gives me certain boundaries. Within those boundaries comes a lot of time for reflection and thought. That can be good, and in these times, sometimes that is not so good. I pray, and that makes me feel better. As it is a boundaried time, I am blessed with an enforced time when I am NOT hearing or looking at the news, which is awesome. Corona virus doesn’t exist from Friday at sundown to Saturday at sunset (not including in my imagination and in my worries, of course!).

Here’s where I tank; I have NOTHING to read! Anyone who might come to my home might think I am nuts for saying that. I have many, many books. But I’ve either read them or they are educational books, and that’s not what I want these days. I want to escape with a well written novel.

Here’s where I also tank; I am worried about the world, I am worried about first responders, I worry about retired health care workers going straight into danger’s way. I worry about my family, I worry about everyone’s families, I worry about my patients.

However, I don’t want those feelings to go away because that’s what makes me human.

Here’s where I am NOT worried:

I’m not worried about those days that I do nothing “productive”
I’m not worried about self-improvement
I’m not worried if my house is messy or I haven’t done laundry

So, to recap:

Schedule and gratitude
Limited news AND no news from social media!
Ease into the day if you can. If you have kids at home, let them do that as well, you in your place, and them in theirs (that could well be in front of the TV)
Some of you have work for the whole day. Take scheduled breaks and mix it up a little. If you have kids who are in remote school AND you are working remotely, good luck! Just remember, they may be as frustrated as you so give yourself some times out when you feel you need it. One great way, if you’re ready to explode, is to take a short shower - with the added benefit that you can scream in the shower if need be.
Business comes next for me but for you it can be a scheduled anything that you love: art, reading, meditating, learning, projects of any sort. In fact, I’m learning to play the harmonica via YouTube! We’ll see where that goes…
Exercise, exercise, exercise. Just take a 6 ft. away from other pedestrians walk if the weather cooperates.
Social connection isn’t a luxury, it's a necessity. Reach out, not just with texts but with actual phone conversations. We did a Zoom conference and it was hysterical.
Family - take care of them by checking in and let them take care of you. We need each other at this time. I would add volunteering in any way you can, even via the internet. There are many opportunities and it’s good to look beyond ourselves and our four walls.
Escape! It’s OK, it's healthy here.
An end of the day recap is so important. Sometimes our days bleed one into the other. Writing helps us focus and see that we’re getting through this. It helps us know what works and what doesn’t work. And last, it is a witness to the horror we are going through now. Getting through the day makes us heroes. This is hard and we are doing it. Some days are throw away days; that’s normal. If you’re having an especially hard time or want to be heard in a non-judgmental, accepting way, then reach out to your psychotherapist. We are all working remotely. If you don’t have one, then you can look at Psychology Today and find one that appeals to you.

Nothing is perfect; our days won’t be either. What I find important is looking at each day as its own entity. In other words, looking for a date when this will end might be an exercise in futility. No one knows. But, we can try. I try to look at each day as its own. That last check in the evening says to me that I did the best I could today.